im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
