I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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