Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
