What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
