If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
