My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
