yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
