I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I looked at my own cervix.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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