I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
