My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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