I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
