I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
