There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
