is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry about my life...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
