it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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