I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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