Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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