my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
