So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
