p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
