Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
