I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
