You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
