he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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