Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
