You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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