Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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