guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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