you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
