in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
