I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
