i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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