please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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