happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
