She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
