My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it glows. i had to have it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
