I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
