I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
