i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
