Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
