he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
