i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
