jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just invented taco cereal.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
