u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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