that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
