thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We don't watch enough power rangers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
