never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
