I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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