oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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