I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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