dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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