Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's even glitter on my cock...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
