she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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